Next Steps

Well I have been back in the States for 10 days now, and I have gotten a job and moved across country. It has been wonderful. I have not had much time to think, but I will settle down soon. Leaving Florida was not as hard as I thought it would be, but possibly because I was only there for 2 & 1/2 days so it was crazy. But I know that this job I have is going to be so rewarding. I am working at a women's' shelter in Round Rock which is right outside of Austin. And the few days I have been there I feel so at home and comfortable. It has all happened so fast, but it is so rewarding. This week has been a lot of training, but I have been doing a lot of shadowing, and I will be on my own Monday. I am really looking forward to it all and starting my life here. Thank God I have such a wonderful sister and brother-in-law, who have opened their home to me. But this move just feels so right and I know that I am going to get a lot out of this job. I am just so happy to be here and back in the States. Once I have PTO I will be traveling to Mexico to visit my boys and friends. This just all seems so crazy, but it really all just makes sense to me.

I must say that the BBQ I had with my family and friends we really well. And I cannot express how much I appreciate my family and friends. I have the best parents some one could ask for, and the most supportive friends. This past year has just been so amazing and wonderful, and I cannot ask for anything more, (OK and apt. would be nice, all in due timing.) I know that my year in Mexico is over, but really I am still using the many things I learned there to be the woman I am here today.

Good Byes

I think this is the hardest thing I have had to do, is to say goodbye to my family here in Mexico. I just left the house of my Mexican Momma and her children who have become my family. I could not help but to cry, but she told me something very simple but great advice. Think of this as a long vacation from Casa Hogar, and I will be coming back in a few months. She has been my substitute mother here. She was there for most of my tears and frustrations, and she just always had an open ear for me. Her children are like my brothers and sisters. Her daughter Evelyn and I have spent many nights laughing and laughing, while the others were always there for when I needed time away from Casa Hogar. So I just said goodbye to my family here and I do not know when I will be back to see them.

So then all day today I have just wanted to relax, but I had a list a mile long of things to do, and places to go. But I will be leaving soon and Mexico will be just a memory. It is so s ad, but I am trying to focus on the good, and all the memories that I will be leaving with. I just did not think it would be this hard, to have to say goodbye to my home, my boys, my friends, and my life. I am leaving my life. I am going back to my life in FL with no job, no plan, but a whole lot of faith which is the most important thing right now in my life. I have learned a lot here in Mexico, and I will be taking back with me so much from here. I do not know how to explain how I feel right now to be honest I feel nothing, and I think that is the worst thing in the world. But Hno. Carlos told me, it is all in the hands of God, and that it is.

One Week

Well 4th of July here was just another day. I got to see some of my boys who came to get their grades so that was nice. And now that the champ got cancelled due to the horrible weather in MTY, we the volunteers are cleaning and cleaning some more here in Casa Hogar. And the rain will not stop I am so over it all. But the weather stayed dry for the graduation that we had today, which was long but each class danced traditional Mexican dances which was interesting. And then I started to think about how traditional Mexico is, and how I will always hold a very special place in my heart for this country. Although all my time here was in the walls of Casa Hogar I learned a lot about Mexico and how wonderful of a country it can be. But I do miss my country and I am very looking forward to my return. My boys will be fine in the hands of other volunteers and I know that I did my best with them, and they taught me so much about life. I cannot imagine my life without these boys. I have so many fond memories with each and everyone of them, I could right a never ending story. But this chapter is coming to a close, as I might me leaving sooner than I thought due to a possible job interview, (Come on God Help me with this one) that I might have in Austin next week. So I will be praying for that. In the meantime I am going to eat the Ice-Pops I brought back from the States, and clean Casa Hogar.

Casi termino

My year officially ended about an hour ago, and surprisingly I held it together. I do not think it has hit me yet that I will be seeing the boys breifly next week and then not until Sunday the 11th. I have been in charge of these boys for so long it honestly just feels like the boys are coming back on Sunday and that we are having a normal weekend. The boys who are going will be leaving from CH on Sunday and coming back on Saturday, and then they will come back for the summer term. But I plan to go on a Mission with some people for the States so I will not be around that much. So I said all my goodbyes to the boys last night and I am sure there will be more tears to come. I am sad but my boys are happy to be going home.

As for Hurricane Alex we made it through 3 days of nonstop rain, and lots and lots of wet clothes. But we had to cancel our party we had planned for the boys due to the rain. But we rescheduled it for the 15th of July too bad I am not here for the party, but I know that the boys will fully enjoy their party. We have so many games and things for them to do, I know they will have a great time. The rain has left the streets extremely wet, but we are fine here in Saltillo, Monterrey is another story, but thankfully we are doing well here, just drying everything out. But not to worry the streets and drainage systems just don't work. We had about a foot of water in Study Hall which is 4 classrooms so I got to throw the water out bucket by bucket. Thankfully we have teenage boys who love doing stuff like that. And after 2 hours you would have never know there was water in the rooms. So we survived all the rain, and now I just have to get through these next week and a half :(

Do all people need to be parents...

I really think some people should not be allowed to have children. With birth control pretty much nonexistent here, and I understand why, everyone is Catholic. But come on there is no need to have 8 children and not be able to take care of them. It really breaks my heart that there are so many boys on the waiting list for next year to live here. I understand this is a great institute for them and they have a much better life here than in their houses, but I have a hard time not getting upset with the parents who dump their boys off here and then leave without a care. Yes we provide food, shelter, and so much for the boys, but maybe if they did not have child after child that they cannot afford there would not be so many kids on the streets here.

This past weekend we had a boy who is in second grade and no one came to pick him up. We have had in the past boys whose parents call and ask permission to pick up the boys on Saturday morning and we give them permission, if it is not a reoccurring issue, but on Friday no one came for Miguel Angel. Imagine everyone leaves and you are waiting, waiting, and waiting, and no one comes. Well this happened last weekend too, so after much thought his parents are going to be reported to DIF, which is like our Child Protective Services. But then I wonder what they will do, probably nothing. I was heart-broken for Miguel Angel. And then there is another boy whose mom is trying to have him removed from the home, because of her abusive husband, while she can figure out her next move. Having him removed briefly would probably be a good thing, but he is here Sunday afternoon to Friday afternoon, so maybe she needs to remove her husband, which is what Hno. Julian is trying to help her sort out. There are just so many boys here who have seen so much in their short lives. It is hard, but sometimes we just have to push those thoughts out and just give them a hug and show them the love that they do not receive in their homes.

As this is the last week here with my boys I have this awful feeling like a part of me is dieing. I have been their support, their love, and their mother for the past 10 months and now Friday will be their last day. I will see some of them briefly for their summer program, but it is not the same. They will no longer be "mine" and I am at a loss for words on how to explain what all I am going through. I was given 12 boys at the beginning of the year, and I am leaving 10 of the most beautiful people who I have ever encountered. So I just have to stay positive and continue to express my love for them till Friday.

Forget-me-not

Well went to Texas had an interview and now I am just waiting back in Mexico. I have been trying to focus and send at as many resumes as possible, but I need to just be patient. I keep telling myself if I do not get this job something better will come along, and I know God is looking out for me, but I do not like to wait for anything I have very little patience. So I got back on Thursday at 1 a.m. the bus ride was long but so worth it my boys left me an awesome note on the blackboard welcoming me home. It was such a great way to end the 13 hour journey. So I woke all the boys up and they were so excited to have me back, I have never felt so much love, they totally embraced me and said how much they miss me, although Emilio told me to leave so Chio will be back with Chicos B, he was totally kidding because when I told him I was going he grabbed me arm and asked me never to leave. So it is so hard knowing that there is only one week left with me babies. The reality of it all hit me, when I was in the chapel, and one of the medianos drew a picture of all the volunteers, minus Elizabeth, and I asked why she was not in the picture and he simply said that he forgot her. And I was taken back, but then it made me think that these boys grow so accustomed to having to new volunteers each year they will probably forget me as the time goes on. They might forget my name and who I am, but I know that I have made a huge difference in some of their live they will not forget, and they will all be getting a photo and us as a group so they cannot forget me. But it is just a part of this experience here in Casa Hogar, when I return as a visitor I will not longer be the volunteer who took care of them. I will just an ex-volunteer who was there for a year, and they will have new volunteers in their life. They rarely talk about the volunteers last year, although some still mention them, but I know that it will change and I will just have to continue to remind myself that this has been the best year of my life and the memories I will have here will live in my heart forever.

I'M MELTING

It is so damn hot here. I have a hard time thinking, I did not realize how fortunate I am to live in a world of A/C. I have been having dreams about my A/C and it calling my name. Three fans and the window wide open just does not cut it. I mean it is 100° and rising it is terrible. And it does not help that everything is concrete, asphalt, and very little greenery. So it just makes it 10 times worse. I am sick of this heat, which is why I cannot wait to get back to the U.S.A and live in the world of A/C. Don't get me wrong I am enjoying these last few weeks here and the boys are actually behaving well. But right now I am in vacation mode, I will be Texas bound tomorrow at 6:00 a.m. for the weekend. I even have a job interview lined up, so that is great to know, and I will be sitting in A/C for 4 wonderful days. I went to get Dairy Queen the other day, and it is in the mall which is fully air conditioned and I thought I was going to melt. So I have to thank whoever invented the Air Conditioner, because he or she must have been a GENIUS.