Do all people need to be parents...

I really think some people should not be allowed to have children. With birth control pretty much nonexistent here, and I understand why, everyone is Catholic. But come on there is no need to have 8 children and not be able to take care of them. It really breaks my heart that there are so many boys on the waiting list for next year to live here. I understand this is a great institute for them and they have a much better life here than in their houses, but I have a hard time not getting upset with the parents who dump their boys off here and then leave without a care. Yes we provide food, shelter, and so much for the boys, but maybe if they did not have child after child that they cannot afford there would not be so many kids on the streets here.

This past weekend we had a boy who is in second grade and no one came to pick him up. We have had in the past boys whose parents call and ask permission to pick up the boys on Saturday morning and we give them permission, if it is not a reoccurring issue, but on Friday no one came for Miguel Angel. Imagine everyone leaves and you are waiting, waiting, and waiting, and no one comes. Well this happened last weekend too, so after much thought his parents are going to be reported to DIF, which is like our Child Protective Services. But then I wonder what they will do, probably nothing. I was heart-broken for Miguel Angel. And then there is another boy whose mom is trying to have him removed from the home, because of her abusive husband, while she can figure out her next move. Having him removed briefly would probably be a good thing, but he is here Sunday afternoon to Friday afternoon, so maybe she needs to remove her husband, which is what Hno. Julian is trying to help her sort out. There are just so many boys here who have seen so much in their short lives. It is hard, but sometimes we just have to push those thoughts out and just give them a hug and show them the love that they do not receive in their homes.

As this is the last week here with my boys I have this awful feeling like a part of me is dieing. I have been their support, their love, and their mother for the past 10 months and now Friday will be their last day. I will see some of them briefly for their summer program, but it is not the same. They will no longer be "mine" and I am at a loss for words on how to explain what all I am going through. I was given 12 boys at the beginning of the year, and I am leaving 10 of the most beautiful people who I have ever encountered. So I just have to stay positive and continue to express my love for them till Friday.

Forget-me-not

Well went to Texas had an interview and now I am just waiting back in Mexico. I have been trying to focus and send at as many resumes as possible, but I need to just be patient. I keep telling myself if I do not get this job something better will come along, and I know God is looking out for me, but I do not like to wait for anything I have very little patience. So I got back on Thursday at 1 a.m. the bus ride was long but so worth it my boys left me an awesome note on the blackboard welcoming me home. It was such a great way to end the 13 hour journey. So I woke all the boys up and they were so excited to have me back, I have never felt so much love, they totally embraced me and said how much they miss me, although Emilio told me to leave so Chio will be back with Chicos B, he was totally kidding because when I told him I was going he grabbed me arm and asked me never to leave. So it is so hard knowing that there is only one week left with me babies. The reality of it all hit me, when I was in the chapel, and one of the medianos drew a picture of all the volunteers, minus Elizabeth, and I asked why she was not in the picture and he simply said that he forgot her. And I was taken back, but then it made me think that these boys grow so accustomed to having to new volunteers each year they will probably forget me as the time goes on. They might forget my name and who I am, but I know that I have made a huge difference in some of their live they will not forget, and they will all be getting a photo and us as a group so they cannot forget me. But it is just a part of this experience here in Casa Hogar, when I return as a visitor I will not longer be the volunteer who took care of them. I will just an ex-volunteer who was there for a year, and they will have new volunteers in their life. They rarely talk about the volunteers last year, although some still mention them, but I know that it will change and I will just have to continue to remind myself that this has been the best year of my life and the memories I will have here will live in my heart forever.

I'M MELTING

It is so damn hot here. I have a hard time thinking, I did not realize how fortunate I am to live in a world of A/C. I have been having dreams about my A/C and it calling my name. Three fans and the window wide open just does not cut it. I mean it is 100° and rising it is terrible. And it does not help that everything is concrete, asphalt, and very little greenery. So it just makes it 10 times worse. I am sick of this heat, which is why I cannot wait to get back to the U.S.A and live in the world of A/C. Don't get me wrong I am enjoying these last few weeks here and the boys are actually behaving well. But right now I am in vacation mode, I will be Texas bound tomorrow at 6:00 a.m. for the weekend. I even have a job interview lined up, so that is great to know, and I will be sitting in A/C for 4 wonderful days. I went to get Dairy Queen the other day, and it is in the mall which is fully air conditioned and I thought I was going to melt. So I have to thank whoever invented the Air Conditioner, because he or she must have been a GENIUS.

Visitos

I was watching a movie this morning when Hno. Julian came looking for me, I had a visitor. I was completely shocked. When I saw that it was John Chevis from Bay St. Louis I was so pleased. I was given the opportunity to show him around Casa Hogar and he took some great pictures to show my grandmother. He came to visit a mission that is here in Saltillo, where I spent many several weeks doing missions with my youth group. This morning I was quite discouraged trying to find a job which is not easy, but after seeing him and showing him around and what I actually do for some reason I feel a lot more at ease. And then my mom sent me an email telling me that everything will work out and will be just fine, I just need patience. Well John brought candy for the kids and I gave it out to them at lunch and they were in awww it was so nice to have something extra for them.

At around 1:00 I got to meet the cutest old man, he is one of the founders of Casa Hogar he wanted to start this place many years ago so he donated a ton of money. He is about 80 years old cannot drive so he has a driver and a huge Mercedes. So he talked to me for awhile and he spoke in perfect English and just made me feel so comfortable. Here is this 80 year old man one of the wealthiest here in Mexico, (he brought Coca Cola here to Saltillo or owns part of it) but the kindest man and still giving so much. And that is what it is really all about. I had two wonderful visitors today who gave me hope that there is some job waiting for me when this year is over.

Trust

So this past week has been really hard. I am going to visit my sister in a week so I am really excited, I have sent off some resumes, the year is coming to an end I am exhausted, and one of my boys broke into my room and stole some very personal items. This whole year I have had very little if any privacy at all, and now there is none. But the really sad part is this whole year I have put a lot of trust in this one boy. Whenever I needed to know something I always asked him, and now I feel like he has been lying to me this whole time. Which is why I am hurt rather than upset. He broke my trust and that is one of the hardest things to regain. So know he is living with the big kids and I never see him because they are on an entirely different schedule. So all I can do is pray for him, and hope for the best. It is just so frustrating because I cannot go one week with problems. Last week one of my boys was suspended for his behavior in school, and then he got a report this week, one more and he will be expelled from the school and Casa Hogar. I am just so tired I have very little energy at this time of year. I have to just keep telling myself that it is all coming to an end, and I know that once I am home I will probably want to be back. I talked to my mother today and having raised three kids she knows what she is talking about, and gave me some great advice, which she has been doing all year, and I am so thankful for all she has done and how much she has helped me throughout this experience.