Next Steps

Well I have been back in the States for 10 days now, and I have gotten a job and moved across country. It has been wonderful. I have not had much time to think, but I will settle down soon. Leaving Florida was not as hard as I thought it would be, but possibly because I was only there for 2 & 1/2 days so it was crazy. But I know that this job I have is going to be so rewarding. I am working at a women's' shelter in Round Rock which is right outside of Austin. And the few days I have been there I feel so at home and comfortable. It has all happened so fast, but it is so rewarding. This week has been a lot of training, but I have been doing a lot of shadowing, and I will be on my own Monday. I am really looking forward to it all and starting my life here. Thank God I have such a wonderful sister and brother-in-law, who have opened their home to me. But this move just feels so right and I know that I am going to get a lot out of this job. I am just so happy to be here and back in the States. Once I have PTO I will be traveling to Mexico to visit my boys and friends. This just all seems so crazy, but it really all just makes sense to me.

I must say that the BBQ I had with my family and friends we really well. And I cannot express how much I appreciate my family and friends. I have the best parents some one could ask for, and the most supportive friends. This past year has just been so amazing and wonderful, and I cannot ask for anything more, (OK and apt. would be nice, all in due timing.) I know that my year in Mexico is over, but really I am still using the many things I learned there to be the woman I am here today.

Good Byes

I think this is the hardest thing I have had to do, is to say goodbye to my family here in Mexico. I just left the house of my Mexican Momma and her children who have become my family. I could not help but to cry, but she told me something very simple but great advice. Think of this as a long vacation from Casa Hogar, and I will be coming back in a few months. She has been my substitute mother here. She was there for most of my tears and frustrations, and she just always had an open ear for me. Her children are like my brothers and sisters. Her daughter Evelyn and I have spent many nights laughing and laughing, while the others were always there for when I needed time away from Casa Hogar. So I just said goodbye to my family here and I do not know when I will be back to see them.

So then all day today I have just wanted to relax, but I had a list a mile long of things to do, and places to go. But I will be leaving soon and Mexico will be just a memory. It is so s ad, but I am trying to focus on the good, and all the memories that I will be leaving with. I just did not think it would be this hard, to have to say goodbye to my home, my boys, my friends, and my life. I am leaving my life. I am going back to my life in FL with no job, no plan, but a whole lot of faith which is the most important thing right now in my life. I have learned a lot here in Mexico, and I will be taking back with me so much from here. I do not know how to explain how I feel right now to be honest I feel nothing, and I think that is the worst thing in the world. But Hno. Carlos told me, it is all in the hands of God, and that it is.

One Week

Well 4th of July here was just another day. I got to see some of my boys who came to get their grades so that was nice. And now that the champ got cancelled due to the horrible weather in MTY, we the volunteers are cleaning and cleaning some more here in Casa Hogar. And the rain will not stop I am so over it all. But the weather stayed dry for the graduation that we had today, which was long but each class danced traditional Mexican dances which was interesting. And then I started to think about how traditional Mexico is, and how I will always hold a very special place in my heart for this country. Although all my time here was in the walls of Casa Hogar I learned a lot about Mexico and how wonderful of a country it can be. But I do miss my country and I am very looking forward to my return. My boys will be fine in the hands of other volunteers and I know that I did my best with them, and they taught me so much about life. I cannot imagine my life without these boys. I have so many fond memories with each and everyone of them, I could right a never ending story. But this chapter is coming to a close, as I might me leaving sooner than I thought due to a possible job interview, (Come on God Help me with this one) that I might have in Austin next week. So I will be praying for that. In the meantime I am going to eat the Ice-Pops I brought back from the States, and clean Casa Hogar.

Casi termino

My year officially ended about an hour ago, and surprisingly I held it together. I do not think it has hit me yet that I will be seeing the boys breifly next week and then not until Sunday the 11th. I have been in charge of these boys for so long it honestly just feels like the boys are coming back on Sunday and that we are having a normal weekend. The boys who are going will be leaving from CH on Sunday and coming back on Saturday, and then they will come back for the summer term. But I plan to go on a Mission with some people for the States so I will not be around that much. So I said all my goodbyes to the boys last night and I am sure there will be more tears to come. I am sad but my boys are happy to be going home.

As for Hurricane Alex we made it through 3 days of nonstop rain, and lots and lots of wet clothes. But we had to cancel our party we had planned for the boys due to the rain. But we rescheduled it for the 15th of July too bad I am not here for the party, but I know that the boys will fully enjoy their party. We have so many games and things for them to do, I know they will have a great time. The rain has left the streets extremely wet, but we are fine here in Saltillo, Monterrey is another story, but thankfully we are doing well here, just drying everything out. But not to worry the streets and drainage systems just don't work. We had about a foot of water in Study Hall which is 4 classrooms so I got to throw the water out bucket by bucket. Thankfully we have teenage boys who love doing stuff like that. And after 2 hours you would have never know there was water in the rooms. So we survived all the rain, and now I just have to get through these next week and a half :(

Do all people need to be parents...

I really think some people should not be allowed to have children. With birth control pretty much nonexistent here, and I understand why, everyone is Catholic. But come on there is no need to have 8 children and not be able to take care of them. It really breaks my heart that there are so many boys on the waiting list for next year to live here. I understand this is a great institute for them and they have a much better life here than in their houses, but I have a hard time not getting upset with the parents who dump their boys off here and then leave without a care. Yes we provide food, shelter, and so much for the boys, but maybe if they did not have child after child that they cannot afford there would not be so many kids on the streets here.

This past weekend we had a boy who is in second grade and no one came to pick him up. We have had in the past boys whose parents call and ask permission to pick up the boys on Saturday morning and we give them permission, if it is not a reoccurring issue, but on Friday no one came for Miguel Angel. Imagine everyone leaves and you are waiting, waiting, and waiting, and no one comes. Well this happened last weekend too, so after much thought his parents are going to be reported to DIF, which is like our Child Protective Services. But then I wonder what they will do, probably nothing. I was heart-broken for Miguel Angel. And then there is another boy whose mom is trying to have him removed from the home, because of her abusive husband, while she can figure out her next move. Having him removed briefly would probably be a good thing, but he is here Sunday afternoon to Friday afternoon, so maybe she needs to remove her husband, which is what Hno. Julian is trying to help her sort out. There are just so many boys here who have seen so much in their short lives. It is hard, but sometimes we just have to push those thoughts out and just give them a hug and show them the love that they do not receive in their homes.

As this is the last week here with my boys I have this awful feeling like a part of me is dieing. I have been their support, their love, and their mother for the past 10 months and now Friday will be their last day. I will see some of them briefly for their summer program, but it is not the same. They will no longer be "mine" and I am at a loss for words on how to explain what all I am going through. I was given 12 boys at the beginning of the year, and I am leaving 10 of the most beautiful people who I have ever encountered. So I just have to stay positive and continue to express my love for them till Friday.

Forget-me-not

Well went to Texas had an interview and now I am just waiting back in Mexico. I have been trying to focus and send at as many resumes as possible, but I need to just be patient. I keep telling myself if I do not get this job something better will come along, and I know God is looking out for me, but I do not like to wait for anything I have very little patience. So I got back on Thursday at 1 a.m. the bus ride was long but so worth it my boys left me an awesome note on the blackboard welcoming me home. It was such a great way to end the 13 hour journey. So I woke all the boys up and they were so excited to have me back, I have never felt so much love, they totally embraced me and said how much they miss me, although Emilio told me to leave so Chio will be back with Chicos B, he was totally kidding because when I told him I was going he grabbed me arm and asked me never to leave. So it is so hard knowing that there is only one week left with me babies. The reality of it all hit me, when I was in the chapel, and one of the medianos drew a picture of all the volunteers, minus Elizabeth, and I asked why she was not in the picture and he simply said that he forgot her. And I was taken back, but then it made me think that these boys grow so accustomed to having to new volunteers each year they will probably forget me as the time goes on. They might forget my name and who I am, but I know that I have made a huge difference in some of their live they will not forget, and they will all be getting a photo and us as a group so they cannot forget me. But it is just a part of this experience here in Casa Hogar, when I return as a visitor I will not longer be the volunteer who took care of them. I will just an ex-volunteer who was there for a year, and they will have new volunteers in their life. They rarely talk about the volunteers last year, although some still mention them, but I know that it will change and I will just have to continue to remind myself that this has been the best year of my life and the memories I will have here will live in my heart forever.

I'M MELTING

It is so damn hot here. I have a hard time thinking, I did not realize how fortunate I am to live in a world of A/C. I have been having dreams about my A/C and it calling my name. Three fans and the window wide open just does not cut it. I mean it is 100° and rising it is terrible. And it does not help that everything is concrete, asphalt, and very little greenery. So it just makes it 10 times worse. I am sick of this heat, which is why I cannot wait to get back to the U.S.A and live in the world of A/C. Don't get me wrong I am enjoying these last few weeks here and the boys are actually behaving well. But right now I am in vacation mode, I will be Texas bound tomorrow at 6:00 a.m. for the weekend. I even have a job interview lined up, so that is great to know, and I will be sitting in A/C for 4 wonderful days. I went to get Dairy Queen the other day, and it is in the mall which is fully air conditioned and I thought I was going to melt. So I have to thank whoever invented the Air Conditioner, because he or she must have been a GENIUS.

Visitos

I was watching a movie this morning when Hno. Julian came looking for me, I had a visitor. I was completely shocked. When I saw that it was John Chevis from Bay St. Louis I was so pleased. I was given the opportunity to show him around Casa Hogar and he took some great pictures to show my grandmother. He came to visit a mission that is here in Saltillo, where I spent many several weeks doing missions with my youth group. This morning I was quite discouraged trying to find a job which is not easy, but after seeing him and showing him around and what I actually do for some reason I feel a lot more at ease. And then my mom sent me an email telling me that everything will work out and will be just fine, I just need patience. Well John brought candy for the kids and I gave it out to them at lunch and they were in awww it was so nice to have something extra for them.

At around 1:00 I got to meet the cutest old man, he is one of the founders of Casa Hogar he wanted to start this place many years ago so he donated a ton of money. He is about 80 years old cannot drive so he has a driver and a huge Mercedes. So he talked to me for awhile and he spoke in perfect English and just made me feel so comfortable. Here is this 80 year old man one of the wealthiest here in Mexico, (he brought Coca Cola here to Saltillo or owns part of it) but the kindest man and still giving so much. And that is what it is really all about. I had two wonderful visitors today who gave me hope that there is some job waiting for me when this year is over.

Trust

So this past week has been really hard. I am going to visit my sister in a week so I am really excited, I have sent off some resumes, the year is coming to an end I am exhausted, and one of my boys broke into my room and stole some very personal items. This whole year I have had very little if any privacy at all, and now there is none. But the really sad part is this whole year I have put a lot of trust in this one boy. Whenever I needed to know something I always asked him, and now I feel like he has been lying to me this whole time. Which is why I am hurt rather than upset. He broke my trust and that is one of the hardest things to regain. So know he is living with the big kids and I never see him because they are on an entirely different schedule. So all I can do is pray for him, and hope for the best. It is just so frustrating because I cannot go one week with problems. Last week one of my boys was suspended for his behavior in school, and then he got a report this week, one more and he will be expelled from the school and Casa Hogar. I am just so tired I have very little energy at this time of year. I have to just keep telling myself that it is all coming to an end, and I know that once I am home I will probably want to be back. I talked to my mother today and having raised three kids she knows what she is talking about, and gave me some great advice, which she has been doing all year, and I am so thankful for all she has done and how much she has helped me throughout this experience.

MENUDO, Fist time for everything

OK so Deanna was here this past weekend, and she is awesome. We went to movies, talked a lot in English which I have been missing, and just hung out. Well on Saturday there was the First Communion for the boys. Well went and and then we were invited to eat at one of my boy´s houses. Well we walked over to the house and sat down and were given food. It was a bowl of greasy soup with chucks in it. I knew what it was but I had to ask so I asked Chio in English, what is this, and I got the answer I did not want to hear, her and Deanna at the same time said, "Menudo." At that moment I thought I was going to vomit a little. If you are not familiar with this speciality dish it is pig intestine and lining of the pigs stomach. Well I do not eat hardly any pig product let alone its intestines. I was instantly grossed out, but did not want to be rude. So I slowly sipped the soup, and I tried one chunk of the meat. Well it was horrible I had to swallow it whole to get it down. Let me just say it was "fuzzy" as Deanna described it. Deanna by the way lived in Mexico last year and successfully avoided it, until her visit on Saturday. So I am trying to eat it and I look over at Chio and ask, "Do you eat this all the time," her response, "Never in my life, my mom never prepares this, it is so gross." Well I could not finish it I had to stop laughing and I took Chio´s bowl and switched it with mine and said, "cometelo." Well she was not too please that she just choked down a bowl of menudo and had to eat mine. Needless to say I am fully indebted to her for the rest of my life.

Funny Boys

So this week I have been working with Chio and it is absolutely wonderful. The boys have been perfect and it has just been so easy. Deanna came to visit yesterday and is here for the weekend, so it is really nice to have an American here. I never realize how much I miss certain things (English) until I have them. She is awesome and the kids are always enthralled with people from the U.S. As I am counting down the days to my departure, I have this bittersweet feeling. I am so tired from all the work, and not with the kids, at this site we have so many other obligations here outside of the work with the kids I am exhausted. But I am so sad to think this year is almost over only 4 more weeks with the boys. But I know that God has a lot in store for me, what I am not sure, but I know there are many doors to be opened. The boys have been amazing though, and they say the funniest things all the time, I cannot help to have a smile on my face because they are hilarious. This morning Martin woke up with a crick in his neck and he cannot move it, so he is walking around with his head tilted and I cannot help but laugh and then he laughs and forgets about the pain. Or last night we were being attacked by mosquitoes so I had to spay every boys with spray and they were all freaking out by it, not sure why. And then Chio drew a 6 pack on Martin´s stomach and he was showing everyone his fake abs. They are just so damn funny that is the part that is so hard to leave and to think I will not be waking up to 11 boys every morning. But I am still looking forward to what is in store to come.

A look at whats to come

This time in 8 weeks I will be in my house. I cannot believe that this year has gone by so fast. I am so saddened that I have to leave, but it is all part of the experience. I am not ready to leave my boys, and they are not ready for me to leave. They keep asking me to stay and take care of them for one more year. But I cant I have to get a job and share my life changing experience with as many people as possible. This has just been such a great experience, I cannot explain how much I have enjoyed my time here. The boys, brothers, and my community have truly changed my life. I have learned truly how to give myself and let God take control. Without the relationship I have with him this would be impossible. The boys have given me such a different outlook on life as well. And I have stuck through this journey alone, which I think is a pretty great achievement in itself. I am looking for jobs and my next step and I cannot believe I will be in my house in 8 weeks. I will have been living here in Saltillo for exactly 13 months to the date of which I came. I am so sad to leave, but I am looking forward to what I have in store for the next 13 months, I am sure it will be another great chapter in my life.

Word of the day ardilla (squirrel)

OK so this was my afternoon yesterday, not really on afternoon, about 45 minutes of a lot of excitement in Casa Hogar.

2:55
We all leave the comedor for the dorms and chores.
2:57
A squirrel is spotted by the boys and 5 run after it to kill it.
While 6 are with me we go to the dorms and just hang out patiently waiting for the other boys.
3:02
Majo the other volunteer who works with me asks, "Did you give them permission to kill the squirrel?" I answer no. She goes to yell at them to get back in the dorm, I can hear her yelling to leaving the poor squirrel alone. I am still hanging out in the dorm with all the 5 good boys who did not want to kill a squirrel.
3:11
The boys come running back to Chicos B, and Alejandro leads it into my living room. Now I have a living room and a bedroom and the door to the bedroom was open so lets just say I am a bit upset.
3:12
The boys quickly clean the bathrooms and dorms, and Majo returns upset. Well I forget to say we had a massive thunderstorm and when it rains here the water just sits on the ground. Well Majo fell in a puddle and came back all wet. When the boys finished their chores they left for study hall.
3:20
Majo and I leave and while walking to the community room we see about 50 boys in the field having a war, they were all throwing rocks at each other, well Hno. Genaro was in the field yelling at them, but they were not listening so Majo tells them all to go line up for study hall.
3:25
I go to ring the bell, and all the boys are in front of the laundry room and all of Chicos A & B were fighting. I have no idea all this is going on I am ringing the bell, and Majo is the field telling them to go to study hall and cannot see what is going on with the little kids.
3:30
I go to ask Martin about the squirrel in my room. He is in study hall and I take him outside to ask, well I get the news from Hno. Carlos that all the boys were fighting and they are never to leave their dorm until the bell is rung. Well the boys usually do not leave they stay and do their homework till 3:25, but with all the excitement of the squirrel I made them go to study hall 10 minutes early.
All track of time is lost by now
All the kids are in study hall and I go to check on the squirrel who is in my living room. I take two of the big kids with me to capture it. Well we hear it behind the desk and then behind the sofa. Well I leave because I know this is sad to say, but I am truly afraid of squirrels, ever since I was a little girl I have been afraid of them, whole other blog entry.
4:20
Go back to my room and the door is closed. Open the door and the boys are in my bedroom on top of the other bed and one is on the ground with a broom and a trash can. After ten minutes of planning on how to trap the poor creature they finally do, and it is in my trash can with a shoe box of it.
4:30
The first boy leaves to go home, hallelujah!!
6:30
All the boys are gone.
9:30
Finally got the cheeseburger I had been craving for all day.

So this was my afternoon, I do not think anyone can beat that excitement? If you can please let me know.

Memories

I must say this week has gone by rather fast. With all the Mother´s Day celebrations on Monday, which was wonderful, and the kids being somewhat behaved it has been a nice week. I have really enjoyed my mornings once all is taken care of to just relax and read the magazines I was sent. Over the past few weeks I have really been missing my family. I am not sure why maybe because today makes 11 months that I have been in Mexico or I have not seen my parents since December. Anyway my nephew was born and he is amazing, my niece turned 7, my once best friend got married, and the other is getting married in a month, and my other friend is pregnant. I feel like I have missed out on some really big turning points in my friends´ lives. It is hard to hear all about the exciting news going on in the lives of friends and family, when I am here with no family. The community is as close to family I can have here, and they are wonderful and have made this experience truly amazing, but there is nothing better than spending time with the parents and siblings. I have really learned to enjoy my time with the family, since I have had so little. I was talking to a friend today the one getting married in a month, and I told her how sad I was to be missing everything, but she reminded me that all I am missing is happening to other people. My life here is mine and my experiences, and I will have these memories to cherish for the rest of my life. Like when I was attacked by 6 boys with permanent markers and they wrote all over me or when Noé asked me to stay another year, or the volunteers only have to say callate and I smile. Or when we get in trouble by Hno. Julian and we all just laugh. Or the tears I have shared with this community. It has all been worth it and my year here is almost up, but I will never forget the moments I have experienced here.

Mothers Day

Today is mothers day and I must say that I am quite sad that I am not with my Mom. This is the first year I am not with here of close by to give her my love. I called her and my sister is with her as well as my niece and brother in law, but it is not the same. I have been thinking about her so much and how much she has encouraged me to be here. Whenever I have a problem even here in Mexico and yes I am 24 I call her for some comfort. Not always does she know what to say, but she always has an ear to listen, which is the most important thing. Lately I guess since I have not been in Florida and around my parents since December, I really miss them terribly. I find myself calling them a lot more and relaying on them for guidance and assistance. I have lived away from my parents and been independent, but I miss them so much. They have been such perfect role models to me it is hard for me not to miss them. So I talked with my mom and everyone, and then I went to pray had a good cry, and then my boys came back.

Well after mass Hno. Julian applauded all the mothers of the boys. Well, one boy Moises came up to me and said Happy Mothers Day, even though it is celebrated tomorrow here we still recognized the moms. Anyway Mosies came up to me and said Happy Mothers Day since you are like my mom, my Ginga Mom, and I could not help but laugh. He always calls me his Ginga so I was tickled when he called me his Ginga Mom. So after all my tears and crying of missing my mom, my boys here remind me of my job and the love that they have for me.

It´s HOT

After fighting with Alejandro, Arath, and Josué to do their homework, today they all finished during study hall. Josué ran up to me with the biggest smile on his face and proclaimed, "I finished my homework and all by myself:" It was such a great moment, and then Arath and Alejandro ran up to me as well, and said the same words. I had a moment where it felt like God was looking down and doing a dance for me, because I have been trying for months now to get these three to do their homework in study hall. They are all very intelligent but they all share the same problem, LAZINESS. None of them want to do any work all they want to do is play. So after study hall I gave them all a hug, told them will have recess finally instead of having to finish their homework, and I was just beaming with happiness. I felt like all my hard work finally paid off. It was just a perfect way to start the afternoon which is miserably HOT.

Speaking of being hot, I thought this past summer here was hard. But it is HOT, and miserable. I am just so tired all the time, now that I have no one to speak English to my brain is constantly in Spanish which is tiring. I want to sleep all the time, but I cannot because I am so miserably hot. And the kids are not wanting to go and play as they were in the beginning of the year, because it is so hot. We are running out of movies to watch, and I am running out of books to read. I am from the south and the heat usually does not bother me this much, but I think because I have heavily relied on A/C my whole life and I have always had access to a pool in the neighborhood or in my backyard. So now I must rely on fans, drinking water, and staying inside, and these little pieces of heaven called mangonadas/bolos which is nothing more than mango juice frozen or chocolate milk frozen in a bag and sold for 3 pesos. They are my life savers. I know that it is all part of the experience, but my Lord it is hot. And some rain would be nice, even though it is hard to get around in the rain, because the streets flood, my walkway floods, and then the dorms get water. And then the water just sits in front of our door because the drain is clogged with who knows what, the rain makes it chilly and I could use a bout of coldness. Well I must go and endure the heat for now have a great day all you people in A/C, and enjoy :)

My Funny Boys

So I have been thinking how incredible funny the boys are here. The things that come out of their months just cracks me up. The month or I do not remember when Josué refused to do his work. He kept telling me he was too tired, and I kept asking him how he was tired if he did none of his work in school or in study hall. So after 30 minutes or more of him refusing to do work because he was, "too tired" I told him he could go to sleep. It was 8:00, well he quickly changed his mind and told me that he was not tired, but his finger was tired. Again how a finger can be tired if beyond me, but the boy did no work all day so entirely impossible.

Or when we are just walking and a kid will burst out with some horrible bodily functions, and all the boys are just laughing at the boys who "did it." I just think it is funny to be around boys all the time. I mean their bad habits like spitting are really rubbing off on me. Or when they are running in an area where they are not supposed to be and then they fall, but they never get hurt they just laugh it off and we all laugh with him. Or when the boys are supposed to be showering and instead they are dancing in their towels. Or when they are in the shower or in the bathroom and they do not know that I am in the dorm and they start singing, I just love it. They just say and do the funniest things. I wish everyone who read this blog spoke Spanish, because the things that they say in Spanish just are not funny in English, you have to understand it to appreciate. Or when the boys are in line and one is not paying attention and all the others get on to him again for some reason is funny. I do not know why, maybe my quality of humor has gone down since I have been living with boys this whole time. I do not know all I know is when I was explaining to Gladys (ex-volunteer from last year) about the Josué thing we were just cracking up. Anyway if you are reading this and have children try and remember all the things they do funny, because later on it will really make you smile, like my kids do here.

Oh the water in Casa Hogar

Yesterday the water that we drink was tasting and smelling rather horrible. So Majo, Cesy and I decided to clean out the water dispenser. Well it smelled as if an animal crawled in the thing and died. So I suggested to use a bit of bleach to kill the smell and clean out the filtration system. Well Majo told me to use the way more bleach than I should have so we spent an hour pouring and draining water to clean out the system. And then I covered up the bleach smell with lemons, but then we had pure lemon water, and so I spent more time pouring and draining the water. Just another one of our bright ideas here in Casa Hogar.



Then I went to take a shower this morning and I have no water. So we have 5 girls now sharing a shower. Cesy and Angie have no hot water and will not have hot water because Felipe (the man who does and can fix everything) is having to break open all the cement with a sledgehammer and change all the pipes which look like they have been in the ground since 1900. So we are all sharing a shower which has no shower head the water just streams out like a hose. And in the same bathroom the handle is broken on the toilet so you have to lift the cover and pull the chain for the water to go down. So the water problems are huge right now, but at least we have clean water to drink that does not taste funny and I got to shower.

On other news, the boys have that end of the year itch and not wanting to do much in school or here. The weather is so nice all they want to do is play and have a good time. Which I cannot blame them, but I am tired tired tired. Especially when I have to fight with 11 boys to make sure they are where they are supposed to be and doing what they are supposed to be doing. So there is only 2 full months and a week left to go, and I am sure that each week will get harder, because I remember those last few weeks of school, and not wanting to do much then but God this is difficult. All I need is some patience to get me through these next 2 months, and a vacation to look forward to.

Changes in Casa Hogar

So I came back from my wonderful vacation with my sister and brother-in-law. And I mostly slept, relaxed, and enjoyed some amazing home cooked food. Well I came back on Wed. and all the volunteers were still on their vacation, so I just enjoyed my time here alone and relaxed some more, I never thought that I was so tired. I knew that I was ready to come back, and that was a good sign, and I was ready to see the boys and the volunteers. Well I was so happy to see the kids and the volunteers I was in tears just overjoyed and so emotional to be back home with my kids. I know this work was going to be tough, but I am really starting to think about the day when I actually have to leave my boys, and how sad and hard that is going to be for me. So I just have to continue to enjoy and take in as many positive things that I can. Well I have been thinking a lot about my next step in life, and I have gone back and forth with a lot of things but I think I have finally come up with something that will work out for me. And I know God will not lead me astray. So we shall see what is to come of that.

On another note, Elizabeth the other volunteer who came with me decided to leave and go home this past weekend. And so she said her goodbyes this morning to me at 4:00 a.m. and said her goodbyes to all the kids yesterday. It just all happened so fast I do not think that it has really hit me that I am the only one now representing Mi Casa and the U.S. here. But I have such a great support system here with the bothers, volunteers and my friends. And then at home I have so many people on my side and praying for me I think I will be just o.k. Actually I know that I will be fine, because God has never given me a challenge that I cannot handle, and this is yet another challenge and I know that I can get through it. I am actually excited to see all the changes around here, I will know be working with a different volunteer and I am the one in charge. And it is like I really have to step up to the plate these next 3 months. And I know that I can stick it out and just give as much love to the kids that they need, because that is really what it is all about, the boys and nothing more.

Reflection

SO I am sitting in my sister's house in Texas and just thinking how amazing my life has turned out. I have really been trying to figure out my next move in life, but I have decided to stop tyring to make all kinds of plans, and just live. I need to stop focusing on what is going on happen and really enjoy these days with my boys. I will go back to Casa Hogar and only have three months left with my boys and my community. Although I have had some ups and downs with them, they have been my family and my support system here. They are the ones who I have gone to when I needed to have a good cry or when I was down they knew how to make me laugh. They have been wonderful to work with. And my boys have just been so amazing to me, everyday I thank God that I have 11 boys at night to tuck in, and tell I love you. This experience has changed my life in so many aspects. I really do not care where I am going to end up in three months, because I was given the best gift anyone could ever receive and that is my boys. I have really been thinking about them since I am here in the States and enjoying my vacation. I hope that they are doing the same with their families and friends. And hopefully staying out of trouble. So I can still say that these boys are just little angels who have been placed in my life, and they are so amazing.